Ageflash: You can play strip poker sitting down

As a child, the few weeks before your birthday are incredibly exciting, intolerably so. Waiting. Anticipating. Wondering just which toy from the Argos catalogue you will receive this year. But inevitably, the older you get, the less you look forward to it. Age comes to all of us unfortunately. Just imagine my horror to find out that Brad Pitt is older than my dad. (Cue existential crisis.) Well, there goes another person on to the pile of inappropriate crushes in my mind.

So, as my own birthday approaches, it’s not looking that great. Besides the fact that it has been, and will forever be, situated in the middle of exam season, the thought of it now being considered odd for me to hire a bouncy castle or play Biscuits on Strings (I’ll tell you later) is distinctly depressing. Never fear, dear reader, not one to bow to social conventions I will be doing at least the latter, even if I look weird. And why shouldn’t I? It would be ridiculous to have an ageist constraint placed on an eighteen-year-old, so why do we do it against older people? I appreciate that physical difficulties might impede an eighty-year-old’s enjoyment of Twister, but you can play strip poker sitting down.

More importantly, age should not be the determining factor in a person’s job prospects. The media is constantly shoving older women behind the scenes to shield our eyes from the ghastly beasts called wrinkles, grey hair and menopause, or patronising them with quotas, allowances and Loose Women. In contrast, older men are allowed to dodder on in the limelight to the brink of cremation – I’m sorry Brucie, that was harsh – the brink of senility. Whilst some might not admit it, we all know that skill and talent is more important to job competency than superficial beauty, and this has nothing to do with age.

So, as a person ever keen to Practise What I Jolly Well Preach, I am going to resume my crush on Brad Pitt. I encourage you to do the same.

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