It’s coming up to holiday season and I personally cannot wait to parade around half-naked wearing a bikini in front of complete strangers. What could be more thrilling than to squeeze into, let’s face it, some waterproof underwear and take a bath in the world’s dirtiest tub? Nothing, if by thrilling you mean: a keen sense of Sweaty Panic and a fear that everyone can see it, as you saunter stumble across the beach.
So, I think you can understand why I am not jumping at the annual obligation of wearing a bikini on holiday. For one thing, they are so uncomfortable and stress-inducing that the only possible reason for their existence is to satisfy the dirty old men, who will probably be sporting baggy shorts and a t-shirt. Oh well, at least sexism isn’t seasonal.One of my favourite things about this time of year is that as we girls are sucking in our stomachs and exerting an incredible amount of effort to look effortless, inevitably several fat old men will be slouched on sun loungers, picking their noses and gawping at us. Younger men actually manage to keep the ogling on the down-low during the day, so they get an “A” for discretion, but the old pervs are a mystery to me. I figure that as their eyesight deteriorates, they think they can be seen less too.
And now, as if they weren’t bad enough alone, apparently we have to wear jewellery with our bikinis. How has this got anything to do with swimming anymore? Last time I checked, toe-rings and bangles were not part of Team GB’s wardrobe essentials. The pressure placed upon women to look perfect come summer is terrible. If you want to dress up (or down, rather), lose weight or wear jewellery at ridiculous moments then fine. If not, great. I for one though, will not be changing myself based on the season, and certainly not for the benefit of others.